|The most peaceful place I can think of.|
I have had a lot of time on my hands (or back) to think lately, and I'm not sure if it has given me clarity or confusion. This post may end up all over the place, but my hope is that by the end of it, all of the little scattered pieces will come back together to make sense.
For those of you reading this who haven't followed my other blogs, I have been somewhat laid up with back issues for several months. I can function, I just can't travel or sit for more than a few minutes at a time. Now that our children are grown, the majority of our social life takes place at our lake home, which takes, you guessed it, travel. So, I often send my husband and dog Brutus on their way on Friday afternoon to enjoy themselves at the lake, and I stay behind with the three cats to keep me company.
I'm sure there were gasps out there. What??? He leaves you there alone every weekend? Trust me, most weeks I am more than happy to see those boys go! I can honestly say that I love to be alone. I make that statement, but it's only partially true. I love to be alone.....MOST of the time.
I have referred to myself before as being somewhat anti-social, and my friends have laughed at me. To be honest, that's my fault. On Friday nights when we meet up with our group of friends at the lake, it isn't uncommon to laugh and talk and have a great time well into the morning! What they don't know is that it will often take me a week of being alone to refuel for another weekend of fun. There are people who love to go out to shop and eat and visit often. I'm just not one of them. I fall in to that "occasional" category.
I'm going to jump again here. Today I read an awesome blog written by an artist by the name of Kim Klassen. I actually took a class from Kim to learn how to use Photo Shop. She lives in Canada, and gives online classes that are amazing. Anyway, she had written about being an introvert, and it took me by surprise. Here is this amazing woman who teaches classes, travels to give lectures and sells artwork. She is known in many countries, and, she is an introvert? It didn't jive. Then I read her story, and it was like I was reading about myself! She talked about using her social energy for a big event and then needing complete quiet to rejuvenate. YES! I totally understood what she was saying. She writes so beautifully. Actually, everything she creates is beautiful. I highly recommend reading her story. Could I possibly just be an introvert? Thoughts on Being An Excellent Introvert
|Nothing like a small town bar|
|My Beautiful Daughter|
So, to bring it all together. Am I anti-social, depressed, introverted or in need of total isolation? BAH!!!
|Drag's Pizza = YUM!|
Yes, I have depression, but it's nothing new. It's something I will always have, and as much as I try to let it not define who I am, there are times that it does. If you feel me pulling away from you, I'm sorry. When I am feeling blue I tend to withdraw even more. Part of it is that I feel physically so much more tired, but I also feel the need to just protect myself and heal. Hopefully you know me well enough by now to know that if I am actually upset with you, I will care about you enough to talk to you about it. I would never play games and just be mad at you. That is so not cool to do!
I truly am the happiest with the sun in my face and my camera in my hand. I love it. What can I say. I know that there have been times that I have started talking about how much I love it, and you have felt like crossing your eyes, but you have sat there and listened patiently. Thank you. I am not amazing or great at photography, but I feel passionate about it. If everyone in life could be lucky enough to find something that they can do that they feel passionate about and love, it would be so amazing. I didn't find photography until I was in my mid forties, so don't give up. You never know when something might land in your hands that sends an excitement through you that you can't explain.
Even after going through all of these things, I still haven't figured out why I need the amount of silence and alone time that I do. One thing I do know for sure is that I am far too complicated to put just one label on. So, let's go with this; I am a person with many different aspects to my personality, that just happens to require many hours of silence and alone time per week. How's that.
I hope that you and your beautiful complicated self have a lovely day,